September 10, 2008

Getting Out of My Own Way




Some goals are easy. Others are elusive. What stops me from reaching the elusive ones? Myself, of course. I don’t set unrealistic goals. I don’t even set unreasonable ones, but some goals begin to feel unreasonable or difficult, and that is what stops me. I start to believe I can’t do it. As a coach, I know the next question, but for some reason, when I am wallowing in self-doubt, I forget to ask it. If I could do it, what would I do next?

Let me apply that to melting the last 20 pounds of fat. After only a few weeks of reaching the significant goal of weighing 40 pounds less, I am feeling a bit defeated about losing the next 20. It’s all around my belly and hips. Oh, OK! It’s also a layer of extra insulation over my whole body. Hey, I don’t need insulation. If I get cold, I’ll put on some fleecy togs, so that’s no excuse. The dilemma is: my belly really bugs me. I’ve caught myself thinking, “Maybe this is my normal weight. Maybe I can’t lose any more.”

There it is! That’s what stops me. I can’t lose this is the energy I am feeling and that is a guaranteed show stopper. Having realized this, I know what to do. I ask myself, “If I could lose that flab, what would I do next?” I will stick with my food plan. That’s a given. It really works. Then what? Sigh, I guess it’s those darn crunches and scrunches. How I resist them. What would make them more fun? Doing them somewhere that doesn’t smell doggish on the floor and where a dog can’t lick my face just when I’m getting into it. Hmm – up on the deck seems like a good place for that – until it starts raining – but that’s probably months away, so OK:

·         I’ll do those ab exercises on the deck, three times a week.

·         I will start my Strong Women Stay Young weight training again.

·         I will move a little faster and farther on my daily walk.

·         I will visualize my slim body every day.

·         I’ll remember my satisfaction the first time I tried on a smaller size and it actually fit – comfortably.

·         I will breathe deeply and be thankful I have reached this wonderful plateau because I am far healthier than I was four months ago!

WOW! I feel better already – and maybe even thinner.

©2008, Jacqueline Hale

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August 28, 2008

Intending to Have Good Health

What is your wildest dream about your health? That can be a startling question because most of us feel we have little or no control over our health. We think we are bound by a genetic link with our parents and doomed to die of or live with whatever diseases and health problems our ancestors had. And if we have some health problems, we think our doctors and the pharmaceutical industry control our destiny. That’s absolutely wrong. You are your health’s best friend (and worst enemy!)

I have been involved with health all of my life. I worked in hospital labs in my early adulthood and later expanded my knowledge into the field of natural healing because I know that people have control over what happens to their bodies. You control what happens in your body; you just may not know you are in command.

Much of our bodies’ health originates in our minds. During our daily life, we set all kinds of goals such as getting to work on time, buying a new car, or having a wonderful vacation. The first step to reaching a goal is to intend to reach it. It’s the same for health, but most of us don’t go quite that far. We might make a resolution to exercise three times a week or stop smoking, but we rarely intend to have good health. Start with the big picture and then break it down to small steps.

An intention for health is the first step to being healthy. This was particularly important to me because heart disease caused many early deaths on my father’s side of the family and diabetes played havoc on my mother’s side. I was determined to have a different health picture, and I have! I’ve outlived my mother by nearly 10 years and am far healthier than my father when he was my age.

What’s my secret? Intention. I didn’t even know how to attain good health, I just intended it. You must intend to have what you want. Many years ago, I intended to be healthier than my parents and their parents. As a result, my medical history is boring: no allergies, no illnesses, no hospitalization other than child-birth, no prescription drugs, no antibiotics. I don’t give a doctor much to latch onto – except my weight.

Oh dear, weight has been my nemesis for 30 years. Since moving to California in my mid-thirties, I’ve steadily gained weight until it tipped the scale at 200 pounds last winter. That was a turning point. At that time, I not only intended to be healthy, I extrapolated that to an intention to lose weight. And I’ve done it, or I am doing it. I’ve lost 40 pounds and have 20 to go! Hallelujah! Success is a wonderful motivator. 

The first step is to intend to be healthy. You can do it. If you need help with the second step of creating a plan to become or stay healthy, you can contact me and we’ll figure it out. Call me.

Jacquie Hale
Natural Health Coach
510-548-2585
vibrancecoach@jacquiehale.com

 

©2008, Jacqueline Hale

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July 24, 2008

Dealing with that Voice in Your Head

 

You know the voice. It sounds sort of like your mother, or maybe more like your father. Whoever it reminds you of, there are times when you just wish it would SHUT UP! There it is, living rent free in your head, and constantly nagging you to do this or that, and always ready to point out the very thing you are afraid everyone will notice!

“You’re too fat.” “You always fail!” “You never finish what you start.” “Loser!” “Coward.” Is there any end to the possible dark secrets that voice seems to know?

Recently I heard my Inner Critic say, “You are never any good on the phone!” This was in response to my reluctance to make some follow-up phone calls. Well, no wonder I was reluctant, with messages like that grabbing at me whenever it was time to call someone. I got sick of tripping over the same criticism! I’ve heard it ever since I was a kid and required to call people from the phone book to ask what church they attended. You can imagine how responsive people were to that question!
 
Currently, I have very good reasons to make phone calls and I wanted to make them happily and freely. So I applied my trusty coaching technique to myself: How to Change a Limiting Belief.
 
·         What is the limiting belief? In this case it is that I am never good on the phone.
·         What actions do I take as a result of this belief? I put off making phone calls or make them much later than I should.
·         What results do I get when I act this way? My procrastination causes me to miss out on some business and occasionally I don’t schedule or confirm social events.
·         What results do I want to have? I want to connect with people in a timely manner and in an appropriate way and they respond as I had hoped.
·         What actions do I need to take to have these results? I need to pick up the phone and call people spontaneously and with great relish!
·         What belief do I have to have to produce these actions? I am a fabulous communicator by telephone and people are waiting to hear from me!
 
The funny thing is I make my living on the telephone. I actually love talking to clients and friends on the phone. I am a coach, both a life coach and a nutritional cleansing coach, and I love working on the phone! Why the dichotomy? As a life coach, clients call me. I’m just learning how to be a nutritional cleansing coach, and currently I have been the one initiating the phone calls. That’s where the voice in my head takes over. When it was time to make a call, I get cold feet.
 
I figured there were two things I could do: stop making calls or set it up so they call me. Then I realized that I always had the option to change my thinking. I am a fabulous communicator by telephone and people are waiting for me to call them! Yippee!  
 
© 2008, Jacqueline Hale
 

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July 17, 2008

The Five People You Hang Out With

Who are the five adults you spend time with? (You might want to grab a piece of paper for this one.) These may be people you work with or people you play with and definitely people you live with.
·         What are their positive characteristics?
·         What do they do that makes you a little (or a lot) uncomfortable?
·         What is the dominant theme of their conversation?
·         How does all that align with your wishes for your own life?
Notice the phrase in the first sentence – spend your time. Do you ever think of actually spending time, as in spending money? Time is a valuable commodity and we truly do spend it as the minutes tick away. Do you live so that every minute is valuable? By that, I don’t mean productive or committed to the rat race. I’m all for some lying on the grass and seeing shapes in the passing clouds. I’m really addressing the value of the people we spend time with. Are we using our time wisely?
A few years ago, I realized that I was spending a lot of time, sometimes over an hour each day, talking with a friend. In the beginning, it was a great get-acquainted conversation, but after a few weeks, it became repetitive and definitely non-productive. I realized that I needed to limit our conversations because they weren’t moving either of us forward and the hour out of each of our days was actually precious.
How about spending time with someone who gossips or complains a lot or manipulates the conversation to be all about him (or her)? What is accomplished for you? Sometimes I find myself falling into an enticing trap. I am interested in people and I have opinions, but do I need to enlist others in my negative thoughts? Do I need to be enlisted into theirs? When I moved to Berkeley, I noticed my habit of making snarky comments about people as a form of entertainment. Wow! As soon as I actually heard the words coming out of my mouth, I couldn’t get away from myself fast enough! I have great radar for people who make such comments and after a few shudders worth of tolerance, I simply avoid them.
What about hanging out with people who have different values? I’m probably not going to spend much time with a racist, but what about someone who watches and comments on TV shows which I find demeaning or someone who makes derogatory comments about something I hold sacred? How about the over-achiever or the over-indulger, the person who intentionally adds stress to every day? What do I gain from being with people who live life in ways that I have chosen to avoid?

This question has come up for me recently as I’ve embraced a healthier nutrition program. Like a recovering alcoholic avoiding cocktail parties, I want to avoid social events involving food and drink that might be tempting but which I no longer want to indulge in. That’s an interesting dilemma because I’ve established my life around such social events. What can I do to inhabit a healthier environment? I have a lot of control, actually. I can suggest a walk instead of hanging out over burgers and fries. I can organize a movie outing rather than drinking beer at the local pizza place. I can redirect conversation to discussing current events rather than gossiping. I have lots of options, but first I needed to realize how much I am like the people I hang out with and if I decide I don’t want to be like them, I can change the amount of time I am with them, I can encourage different activities, or I can even look for new people. I’m in control of me. That’s huge.

(C) 2008, Jacqueline Hale

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June 4, 2008

Hiding from Myself

I’ve been on an amazing self-exploration for the past few weeks, and in the midst of metamorphosis, it was hard to know what to write. I’ll start with the present and then flash back to last fall. Currently I am 22 pounds lighter than I was in early April. All of my clothes that fit then hang on me now. Not to worry, I won’t go unclothed because I had a lot of standbys waiting because of my recurring promise. “I’ll lose weight some day and will be able to wear you again!” Along with the pounds and the inches that melted away, my self-doubt disappeared. So did my disappointment in myself. I feel reborn, emerging from a pile of fat to embrace life with happiness and vigor. I think more clearly, sleep better, and believe in myself more than ever in my life!
Now that’s saying something, especially when I compare how I feel now with how I felt last fall. There was a point when I stopped almost all of my activities because they weren’t satisfying me. I said I was like a fallow field waiting to see what would appear to engage me. To be honest, I was giving up. For one thing, I had gained back almost all the weight I had painstakingly lost two years before. I remember thinking, “No food plan works. I am supposed to be this size and I will die never having the body I have wished for.” Mostly it was a healthy body I was hoping for, one that could hike up hills without fear of a lung explosion. I was afraid to see a doctor who was part of a health plan that would claim a pre-existing condition: obesity (I like to think it was just overweight), high blood pressure (but nothing losing 10 pounds wouldn’t cure), maybe diabetic, maybe with heart disease, maybe with a number of things that “run in my family” but that I hadn’t been diagnosed with.
In addition to all that negative medical mental chatter I was working hard to not even acknowledge to myself, I had given up on me. The me who can do anything I put my mind to. I gave up on her. The me who is vivacious, outgoing, and determined to make a difference in the world. I gave up on her, too. I was secretly hoping for a miracle but not really expecting one to happen. Lucky me. Lucky you. Someone called me to tell me about the miracle that would turn my life around. If you want more information about this program, send me email or call me at 510-548-2585.
Just as in the story of Michelangelo chipping away the marble to find the David inside – I let go of a lot of fat to find that Jacquie was really still in there, and I’m only a little over a third of the way to my revised goal. (When I realized how successful this program is, I decided to go for the numbers I really wanted rather than what I’d settle for.) Instead of being just healthy, I decided on shapely too!
Is it hard? Not really. Does it take will power? Rarely. Do I fantasize about the food I’m not eating anymore? Actually, I’m not. I’ve developed a whole new outlook on food and a realization of where I went wrong in my previous healthy diet that included an over-indulgence in healthy fats.
Here’s the coachly lecture, the Chocolate Coach lecture, if you will. You’ve heard this from me before: Your thoughts create your feelings that determine your actions, which create your results. So how have I changed my thoughts about food? The food has done it. John Gray, the Mars and Venus guy, explains how the nutrients in the program provide the amino acids the brain needs to create a sense of well-being and stave off hungry thoughts. This allows us to literally change our thoughts and therefore, to act differently! I am so grateful to the formulators of the products that have brought me back to life! Every day, I look at the ingredients and say, “I can’t believe they put all these great things in here!” It feels like a miracle. I love it. We can expect miracles!
© 2008, Jacqueline Hale

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May 2, 2008

Will Power, not needed

I want to thank everyone who sent me encouragement and techniques for developing will power. You are all wonderful. I also want to report that my mental cravings subsided the very day after I wrote the article. Thoughts of food obsessed me until my body realized that I was giving it the nutrients it needed. Real hunger and my brain chemistry settled down to support me. Then all I had to do was control my habit of thinking about food.
It’s amazing how everything in my part of the world promotes food. It’s impossible to go anywhere without seeing a restaurant. I heard once that there are so many restaurants in the area that every single person in the local population could sit in a food establishment at the same time! Does anyone eat at home? And when we’re at home, there’s television. Oh, the food that happens on TV – there are people eating, people preparing, and people selling food of all manner, most of it unhealthy, but thought stimulating anyway. I’m sure many statisticians are being paid to compile the number of food-minutes we encounter in a day.
Well, I’m making progress with this health program. I’ve truly settled into few food thoughts. I plan my one meal a day with relish (no, not that kind of relish!) and I drink my protein shakes and I celebrate when I measure results. Eleven pounds and 15 inches, and I’m only 10 days into it! My biggest celebration is about my blood pressure, which was embarrassingly high and now has plunged to normal and stayed there.
What did I learn from all of this? First of all, I learned not to hide. My best friend was shocked that I hadn’t told him about my blood pressure creeping up. I was embarrassed to be caught not being perfect! I couldn’t hide my physical size but I did ignore it even as I worried inwardly that I was becoming unhealthy.
I also learned that I do have will power. I made it through that first day. That was a huge success for me. I’ve developed a healthy outlook when I think of food. Just today, my daughter mentioned getting an oat scone from my favorite bakery. When I heard that, I thought, “Hmm, those scones are really good but I don’t have to have one, at least not today.” It reminds me of window shopping – where we see things we appreciate but we know that we don’t have to own. It’s a lovely kind of freedom.
© 2008, Jacqueline Hale

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April 25, 2008

Will Power

Here I am face-to-face or better yet, cheek-to-jowl, with my own will power. Guess what the topic is? You guessed it—a diet. Call it nutrition if you want it to sound healthy. The program I’m on calls it cleansing, which in fact it is. Whatever you call it, I call it challenging. I’m on my second pre-cleanse day and I’m having trouble sticking with it because I have a horrendous habit. I graze. Just like a cow, I munch, munch, munch all day long. Hmm, those almonds look wonderful … now I need an apple–but first I’ll have a glass of iced tea … it’s time for lunch … now I need something sweet … it goes on and on! My head is awhirl with wanting!
They say it will get better. Do they know about my constant thoughts about food? I’m either planning meals, shopping for ingredients, preparing meals, eating meals, eating between meals, or thinking about a restaurant where I’d like to eat. I have thoughts about food all day long! No wonder I got to this portly, chunky, generously proportioned size! I think about food constantly! And I live in the gourmet ghetto, how ironic is that?
Honestly, it was easier to stop smoking thirty years ago because at least with cigarettes, I simply wasn’t going to indulge in them anymore. Food is a necessity. I have to have some of it and that’s what’s so maddening. I do have to think about it. For this cleansing program, I don’t need to think very much – just one regular meal a day – except once a week when I don’t get any meal because I’m savoring a cleansing drink!
Oh, doesn’t that all sound fabulous? Well, I knew what I was getting into when I signed up for this program. I knew I wanted to do it because I really need to lose 40 pounds or so. Probably more, but I’ll start with 40 and see where that takes me. This is about health and when I found a program that was more about health than about appearance, I simply could not resist and still have integrity.
One advantage to not messing about with food is that I have so many extra hours. But that can be a curse because when I’m bored, I think about food even more. I’ll have to come up with some activity that takes my attention to far off places and keeps me occupied. I have a stack of mysteries by one of my newly found favorite authors. I can spend all kinds of time, languishing on our deck, not sipping mint juleps, but reading some fascinating page-turner. It’s a plan anyway.
UPDATE: Marlowe, our Dog Share companion is here today! He goes home every night to his real parents, Annette and Lloyd.
© 2008, Jacqueline Hale

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April 18, 2008

April 15 Dilemma

It’s April 15. You know what that means. Well, maybe you don’t. This is the date I set last November when our sweet dog Charlie died. I decided that I shouldn’t think of getting another dog until April 15th because we had a lot of travelling to do before that date. It is the fifteenth of April as I write and now the travel is done and the house feels mighty empty. What’s next? I have to be careful because I will probably take the next available dog I see.

It isn’t surprising that Jim and I have ended up liking the freedom and flexibility we’ve enjoyed these past four months. We could travel and not think about a dog sitter. We could stay out until 3 AM and not worry about the poor dog’s bursting bladder. It was nice to be totally animal-concern free. But I’ve missed having a dog. I’ve missed the connection, the friend who doesn’t talk back, the unconditional love. To this day, I have yet to open the front door without expecting the happy barks and sweet kisses. I thought that expectation would have ended long ago.

An innovative idea I’ve had is to share a dog with a neighbor – someone who works all day and whose dog would love coming to our house to play with us. That way we could have our cake and eat it too, so to speak. We could watch Rover while the other “parents” are on trips and they could watch Rover when we are away. It seems like a great idea. I’ve even gone scouting to see what dogs are out at 8 AM. I’ve seen a few possibilities – a good owner, the right-sized dog, one who loves to play with other dogs, and likes to swim in the nearby creek. Over and over, I thought, “Maybe that’s the right dog?” But then I get overwhelmed with the quandary and wonder if the whole idea would even be satisfying?

Today being April 15, I went online to look at the dogs up for adoption. Oh dear, that was a mistake! I want a lot of them. I am filled with longing. I want my own fluffy dog who knows I am her/his best friend. I want to rush right out and snatch up one of those Belgian shepherds I saw. (It’s a good thing they are all spoken for!) But I think I should try the dog-sharing idea first. I think that’s what I should do.

I’m sure that by next week, one dog or another will be at my feet as I type. Maybe my heart will be in shreds by then, agonizing over which one is the one. In the meanwhile, I keep remembering Lassie, Muggs, Snap, Tinka, Jessie, Benny, and Charlie, my companions for sixty years of my life. I am ready to have my heart filled one more time.

©2008, Jacqueline Hale

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April 9, 2008

What’s Next?

This morning I asked myself again, “Now, what do I want to do with my life?” It seems I ask myself this question fairly often. Wouldn’t you think I’d already know what I want to do with my life? After all, I’ve recently gotten my Medicare card! However, when I finish a project or come to the end of some saga, I find myself pondering what’s next.

The choices seem endless. Being multi-talented and incredibly interested in many things can be frustrating. I have skills and training in more areas than seems sensible. Sometimes it seems like I dabble rather than take an occupation seriously. Am I really required to pick one and stick with it forever? Am I a dilettante when I move fluidly between various activities? I don’t know.

What I do know is that I feel it’s time to quit floating down the river. It’s time to climb onto the shore and assess where I am and what my resources are. Brrr! It’s a little chilly out here, standing dripping wet in my birthday suit. What would make me feel warm and cozy?
·         What engages my mind so completely that I forget what time it is?
·         What activities engage my heart?
·         What motivates me to do more?
·         What challenges me to be better?
OK, that’s clear. I answered those questions, and now I know what I want to do next. A few months ago, I might have had trouble answering those questions. I was restless and feeling dull. I was waiting for the next thing to appear.
Here’s a question that helps people determine what has heart and meaning for them: What do you want to be remembered for when you die? Since I came home from Africa, one of my answers is to be remembered as the woman who changed the health of thousands (or millions) of people around the world by disseminating information about purifying water in discarded plastic bottles. This idea has engaged my heart, stimulated my mind, and when I talk about it or think about it, I lose all track of time. The challenge for me is to find out how to get the information to the people who need it and to motivate them to use the low tech method I discovered on the internet to eliminate water-borne diseases from their lives.
And then I think, “Who am I to accomplish this daring goal?” That question reminds me of Marianne Williamson’s words about our greatest fear:
We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.  
I know I get scared when I think I don’t know what I am doing, but I keep moving forward and finding the most wonderful information. And people have contacted me to say they want to help! It does seem like the path has been illuminated for me. So here I go, taking another step!
© 2008, Jacqueline Hale
                                                                                                                                                    

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March 28, 2008

Being Right, revisited

This has been a marital topic in our house for years, actually, ever since we met! Jim and I each have a penchant for being right. Over time, we’ve learned to recognize it earlier in the “discussion” and can even make a joke about it, but being right still comes up. Just last week, we were coming home from Yosemite and noticed that we started to defend our differing ideas about when the road stops following the river and takes off uphill – as if that matters in the grand scheme of things! Of course, it mattered to the engineers and laborers who built the road and nowadays it matters to bicyclists and motorists who are about to run out of gas, but to Jim and Jacquie, it only mattered as a test of observation and memory.

What’s the importance of these little skirmishes about being right? Back when friends and family told us that they were uncomfortable hearing us grappling for position, I started to investigate the origin of our attitudes. As we engaged rather trivial differing points of view, each of us had an inner feeling as though winning the point was a matter of life and death. What a lot of energy to expend on the name of the last movie we saw or when we took a specific trip. Being right is necessary when you’re doing brain surgery or landing a plane, but being right about the fastest or easiest way to complete a task is downright silly!

Last night I got a big clue to our inner workings and here I am at 3AM writing about it. It’s very exciting to finally understand. Thank you, Oprah and Eckhart Tolle, for the webinar you have produced. (You can watch it free on www.oprah.com.) Here’s what I learned in the second session: many people define themselves by roles, skills, or characteristics. “I’m a teacher.” “I’m a happy person.” “I’m intellectual.” “I’m smart” “I’m accurate.” I’m an arthritic.” “I’m cute.” When anything changes our definition of ourselves, we feel like a part of us has been taken away. So if I think of myself as accurate and I make a mistake, it feels like life or death. If I define myself by my career and I lose my job, it’s like my arm was cut off. That definitely was a light-bulb moment!
In my earlier writing about this, I’ve quoted Gay Hendricks, who said, “You can be right, or you can be loved.” This is certainly true if being right makes someone else wrong. Jim and I don’t get into our discussions in order to make the other person wrong. That’s probably why we’ve been able to stay together for 30 years! We aren’t saying that the other person is stupid or anything negative. Well, OK, maybe we think, “Why is s/he so stubborn? Why doesn’t s/he just give up and say I’m right?” We don’t give up because we are struggling to keep our identities. He perceives himself as having a great memory; I perceive myself as being accurate.
Now that I know that, what can I do? Maybe just stopping thinking of me as being accurate is all that I need to do. Hey, I’m only on Session 2 of the New World Webinar, there’s still much to learn. Who am I? I’m not some external characteristic; I am my essence, my soul, if you will. It’s unlikely that my soul would be damaged if I make a mistake. I suspect my soul might be damaged if I don’t forgive myself for making a mistake, but that’s another article!
©2008, Jacqueline Hale
 

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