September 27, 2007

Relieving Stress from the Inside Out

How do you relieve stress? Do you work out? Rethink your schedule? Grit your teeth and just do it? Meditate? Work harder? Break down? Laugh? Cry? Escape? What’s your method of relieving stress? My experience with clients and friends is that relief comes from the inside. Yes, you can get a massage and feel great—for awhile. You can run, power-lift, bicycle, do yoga, or meditate, but if you don’t change your internal perspective, you are only building levees that can break and swamp you. The tide always comes back in.

Back in the 80’s I had a fabulous job and I made a great salary, managing a small staff and teaching people how computers could help them work more efficiently and effectively. I had a position that I was proud of and my self image bordered on overly appreciative. At the same time I was struggling to match what the owners of the company wanted with what I knew my staff needed. I was angry a lot of the time; I was working harder, playing harder, and I never felt secure. I was exhausting myself. Eventually, I thought, “I can become the best Instructional Designer in the world and kill myself in the process or I can find a more peaceful way to live.” Luckily, for me and the people I interact with, I chose the latter. Don’t think I changed my life style—I didn’t. In the years after I reset my internal compass, Jim and I put two daughters through college and built a second home in the mountains.

Twenty years later, when I talk about serenity being an inside job, I know what it took for me to become serene. It took a decision to not run in the rat race. First I changed corporations, but that was more of the same, it just had a different package. Eventually, I decided to freelance my work—that way I could work at home and avoid the corporate stewpot. I was my own boss and I called the shots. My rule was to not work more than 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. During the next 15 years I maintained my sanity while my freelance colleagues experienced monstrous schedules that left them exhausted and isolated.

How did I do that? I decided that my life was going to be quietly productive. I never had an unhappy client and I never missed an opportunity because I said, “I work 40 hours a week, no more.” My internal goal was to do my work very well and still have a life. Life and work came easily. I believe this occurred because I expected it to. My colleagues expected hard work and long hours. I expected interesting work, time to pursue other interests, great vacations, and a rewarding social life. I got what I expected, and they got lots of work, missed social events, and cancelled vacations.

The obvious point of this story is that stress relief comes from changing your attitude—then, if necessary, changing your life. How you do that may take all the creativity you can muster. It probably takes cooperation from your family and friends. I am sure that if your life is stressful, you will not find lasting relief until you decide your life must be different. Don’t cancel that appointment with your massage therapist or stop exercising. Those techniques are important relievers on your way to serenity! Do make a commitment to do whatever it takes to live with calmness and serenity while doing what you intend in the world. You can make it happen once you decide to do it.

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